No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow
Was that the Hook brings you back
I ain’t tellin’ you no lie
The Hook brings you back
On that you can rely
I was trying to remember if I had spent last year’s birthday with you. I’ve been trying to remember the last day we were together. Because I’m really bad with dates but I know it’s going to be a year now, or soon, since I last saw you.
But, I couldn’t remember, I just couldn’t. Was it not a memorable birthday? I used to think you made all my birthdays special. And yet I couldn’t remember. Did you give me gifts? Of course, you must have done so… Ah! Then I remembered. A bunch of t-shirts…
A point of contention. Weeks later one of the things you were mad or miffed about was that I hadn’t taken the t-shirts home with me.
I had wanted to ask you if I could use up your closet to put my comic books. I don’t have much space in here. But I somehow never got around to ask you. I guess I’ve never been good at asking for help. But the t-shirts, I wanted to have them at your house, ready for me. I, it feels so stupid to say this, I kinda hoped you’d say, “Why don’t you wear this one today?” someday. I guess I wanted for your house to be my home too but somehow it never materialized. I guess it’s my fault. I never verbalized it. Plus it was kind of complicated. Was it your house? Your father’s house? Did you want me there?
I remember one night I had stayed up playing The Last Of Us. I had brought the metal chair from your desk into your room so I could play and not bother you while you were sleeping. That got you mad, you woke up and hit the chair or something, I tried to explain but you were right; I disturbed your order of things. I wondered how many times I had made you feel like you were bothering me. I had wanted to keep those t-shirts at your house because I wanted to belong in it; but I couldn’t explain it then. I didn’t know how.
And now, it’s my first birthday without you and to tell the truth I didn’t miss you that much. I was waiting for it, kind of dreading it. But I didn’t miss you that much and that doesn’t make me happy but it does make me feel relieved. And I was kind of angry that you weren’t here; even though I know that’s entirely my fault.
I was at the beach the other day and I saw lightning strike the sea… And I thought of you